The New Sense

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Uuugh! Very humid, but not hot yet. B—'s really starting to believe he brought Vancouver's weather here with him.
B— is spending a lot of time online. I asked him about it and he was a bit testy. Finally he told me that he'd done a search and found Jack's second article about the attempted rape. I felt really bad again and told him so. He looked at me long and hard, then said, "Are you sure?"
"Sure about what?" I said, knowing exactly what he meant.
"Sure you want to be with me. Sure you want to help me. Sure you want to risk the consequences."
It did sound serious, put like that. Still, there really is nothing else going on in my life. Right now or in the foreseeable future. So my motto is carpe diem. Seize the fish. If it wriggles out of my hands, fine — it wasn't meant to be. If I hang on to it, well, I've got a fish.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Then be on my side. Don't go talking to anyone else about me. Or us."
"I really am sorry. This is a bit one-sided, though, asking me to trust you and everything, but you obviously don't trust me enough to tell me your whole story."
"You're right, but you'll just have to be patient."
I can take that. I have great patience. It's one of my biggest flaws. If I'm not careful it will say on my gravestone: 'Here lies Sara Sam. Still waiting patiently. Stop waiting, Sara — it's too late now. Nothing else is going to happen.'
We watched TV for the rest of the evening, all snuggled up. ER was really good. He's a good guy.

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posted by Sara