Saturday, August 24, 2002
I never really understood what a relationship is before. That's my conclusion after the last couple of days' revelations. I just realised that it's the word 'relate' which is the really important part of 'relationship'. Before it was the 'ship' part (as in 'sinking'. Ha ha.)
I now feel like I can relate to B— like I never have to anyone in my life. I feel so close to him I can't even express it. And he really does seem to feel the same. Tomorrow we're going to mom's to tell her. And now I don't care what she says. B— is the man I love, beyond any shadow of a doubt, and I want to have his children and spend the rest of my life with him. If these are the hormones talking, good — bring them on — it feels really fantastic.
When I told B— about what I'd figured out — about how he's kind of trapped in his own world — he just stared at me with his mouth open, then he started crying. When I eventually got him to talk (which took a good ten minutes) he told me that no-one had even come close to understanding like I do. I felt so proud of myself. When I think about what a freak I thought he was at the beginning… And now I know what it means for him to have kids — and to find his twin — because he's so alone in the world.
Now all I want to do is spend every minute with him. Yesterday Olga must have thought I was nuts I was so out of it at work. I think she might suspect something about the baby, but to her credit she's not saying anything. At least the Diclectin works like a dream so I don't have to suspiciously rush to the bathroom every other morning.
I can't even concentrate on writing anymore I'm so happy!
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posted by Sara